World of Gruntfuttock

Excitement reaches fever pitch in the race for the Presidency of the EU, which will finally be decided tonight by the leaders of the 27 member states.
Current front runner, Belgian Prime Minister Herman van Rompuy (possibly pictured?), is backed by not only the European dwarf nations, but also the corpulent giants of France and Germany.
Resistance to this, however, is likely to come from Gordon ‘Aloysius’ Brown, who still ‘fancies’ Tony Blair, and from the Irish, who to a man stated: ‘After last night’s shenanigans, we cannot possibly support anyone backed by those cheating bloody Frogs!’ Pundits confidently predict that by this time tomorrow the newly ratified Lisbon Treaty will be lying in tatters, smeared with 27 different types of excrement.

Today’s Haiku Film Review:

The Candidate (1972) -

Good hair, gleaming teeth,
Political corruption;
O, how the world turns!

Open letter to all members of the Prison Officers’ Association:

These allegations that the Prison Service is run by a climate of fear and that managers use bullying techniques on their staff is completely unfounded. Now, bloody well get back to work or I’ll come down there and beat seven shades of shit out of you (and have your lunch money while I’m at it). You bunch of gaylords - try being in the cabinet!

After a brief hiatus (I say brief in the interests of keeping this brief), it transpires that the world has moved on in my absence. So what’s going on today?
Prospective Labour councilor for Havering, Peter White, described the Queen as ‘vermin’ on an Opposition MP’s Facebook page. He later apologised, stating ‘I mean’t to say she wears ermine’.
In related news, David Cameron has criticised the forthcoming Queen’s speech, indicating that it is ‘to be shameless’. In its defence, Harriet Harman told the BBC: ‘I don’t think it is right that we should be clocking-off now before a general election’. Paul Abbott strenuously denies any involvement.

And finally, today’s Haiku Film Review:

The Queen (2006) -

Ms. Mirren fans note:
She didn’t get her kit off,
But still won Oscar.

In a shock result this week, veteran actress Stephanie Cole has been named the world’s sexiest woman by readers of FHM magazine, beating off Megan Fox, Jessica Alba and Britney Spears to the top spot. Nearly 10 million votes were cast globally in the poll, now in its 15th year.
The 68-year-old hottie, who hails from Solihull, has appeared in a host of sitcoms, including ‘Waiting for God’, and already has an O.B.E., but says this latest accolade won’t affect her plans for the immediate future.

In a bizarre story that sees the worst excesses of Hollywood hacks come true, a Qantas flight from Alice Springs to Melbourne was grounded earlier after four baby pythons escaped from their container in the aircraft’s hold.
They were among 12 Stimson’s pythons being transported, and at first it was thought that the other snakes had eaten them, but this was discounted after they were weighed on landing.
After transferring the passengers to another jet, the plane was fumigated, although the snakes’ bodies are yet to be found.
“They’re not endangered so a decision was made to fumigate…if these snakes turn up they will be very much dead motherfucking snakes,” said Samuel L. Jackson of Qantas.
In other sad news, broadcaster, politician, chef, wit and raconteur Sir Clement Freud made his final slip today, as he passed away at his London home just nine days short of his 85th birthday. ‘Just A Minute’ will never be the same again.

Today’s Haiku Film Review:

Snakes On A Plane (2006) -

Not since ‘Airplane II’
Have so many laughs been had
Aboard an aircraft!